Crazy-mad conversation (matto conversazione)

Song of the moment: Humming by My computer hardrive



simianantithesis: * * ......... (walks away)....... /// x~x (trips
simianantithesis: haha bad caricature
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: i was talking about caricatures to someone online, and he totally bitched at me about how i spelled "character" wrong
I am NOT pangit: i even showed him a picture of a caricature
I am NOT pangit: and tried to explain to him that that is what those are called
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: he wouldn't believe me
simianantithesis: omg
simianantithesis: what a tard
simianantithesis: hehe
I am NOT pangit: tard makes me think of turd
simianantithesis: like a fancy british version of "turd"
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: "i fowned some 'tard' unde' my shoe'w"
simianantithesis: hahahahaha
I am NOT pangit: hahahaha
simianantithesis: how do you make turn into a verb?
simianantithesis: hmmm....
simianantithesis: turded?
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: turn is a verb
I am NOT pangit: o_O;
simianantithesis: or just "turd"
simianantithesis: icic
I am NOT pangit: oh
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: like "shit"
simianantithesis: and "shat"
I am NOT pangit: as a verb?
simianantithesis: yeah
simianantithesis: turn into a verd
simianantithesis: hmm...
I am NOT pangit: well...
I am NOT pangit: "to shit" is a verb
I am NOT pangit: because you're shitting
I am NOT pangit: and "shit" can also be a noun
I am NOT pangit: because you're describing a feeling
I am NOT pangit: and then shit can also be an adjective
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: yeah... and "shat" is the past tense of the verb "to shit"
simianantithesis: but like...
I am NOT pangit: haha
simianantithesis: how about turd?
simianantithesis: can that be a verb?
I am NOT pangit: well.. since turd is mostly slang, it can be anything really...
simianantithesis: nearly every other "crap" word has one
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: hmm wait
I am NOT pangit: damnit
simianantithesis: to poop, to shit, to crap
I am NOT pangit: now i'm confused
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: to turd?
simianantithesis: haha
I am NOT pangit: haha
simianantithesis: we should SO e-mail websters
simianantithesis: haha
I am NOT pangit: oh wait
I am NOT pangit: yes... a turd is a piece of excrement
I am NOT pangit: so "to turd" is grammatically right..
simianantithesis: but can it be used in verb form and SOUND right?
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: i guess
I am NOT pangit: if you can say "to shit" or "to crap"
simianantithesis: i mean... the past tense would therefore be "i turdded on the street" right?
I am NOT pangit: then i guess you can say "to turd"
I am NOT pangit: lol!
I am NOT pangit: maybe "I had turd on the street"
simianantithesis: but then again you can't say "to feces"
I am NOT pangit: hmm
I am NOT pangit: haha
I am NOT pangit: this is making my head go "oww"
I am NOT pangit: *cry*
simianantithesis: haha
simianantithesis: this is the WIERDEST convo in the world
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: I'm putting it up on my blog
I am NOT pangit: wow
I am NOT pangit: i can't find where it starts
simianantithesis: we're talking about the grammatical structure and conjugation of poopy
I am NOT pangit: lets see
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: omg it started with caricatures!!!
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: haha
I am NOT pangit: these philosophical questions about the english grammar concerning the excremation of objects started with caricatures....
I am NOT pangit: that. is so. wierd.
simianantithesis: haha
simianantithesis: it's an exclusively ryan-mil convo that's for sure
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: wow we went pretty far with it too
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: haha i know
I am NOT pangit: how sad.. we need lives or something
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: lol
simianantithesis: who has a life at 10:42?
simianantithesis: i mean... at our age?
I am NOT pangit: umm... pot heads and party people
I am NOT pangit: oh wait
I am NOT pangit: nevermind x_o
simianantithesis: (minus the pot heads)
simianantithesis: oh
simianantithesis: lol
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: XD
I am NOT pangit: one mind, I tell you o_O;;;;
I am NOT pangit: that's scary
I am NOT pangit: haha
simianantithesis: how scary
simianantithesis: i but be your long lost bro
simianantithesis: or something like that
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: seriously! XD
I am NOT pangit: maybe we were brother and sister or partners in philosophy in our previous life..
simianantithesis: i wouldn't doubt it
simianantithesis: like... socrates and his sister socratias
simianantithesis: if she exicted
simianantithesis: XD
simianantithesis: existed*
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: or Plato and Plata
simianantithesis: omg..
I am NOT pangit: hahahahahahhaahahahahaha
simianantithesis: whenever i hear plato
simianantithesis: i think of play-dough
I am NOT pangit: well, it sounds like play-dough..
I am NOT pangit: oh!!!
simianantithesis: oh?
I am NOT pangit: maybe we should start saying "plato" in a tagalog accent
simianantithesis: haha
I am NOT pangit: plato as in "plate" in engilsh
I am NOT pangit: lol
I am NOT pangit: wait
I am NOT pangit: now you'll think of plates when you hear plato
I am NOT pangit: rofl
simianantithesis: "plah'toe'"?
simianantithesis: haha
simianantithesis: playto
simianantithesis: haha
I am NOT pangit: umm plateu
simianantithesis: yeah that.
simianantithesis: arghhh
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: hmm...
simianantithesis: in korean it sounds even MORE like play-dough
I am NOT pangit: haha
I am NOT pangit: we should say it like this:
simianantithesis: "purei-dou"
I am NOT pangit: P
I am NOT pangit: L
I am NOT pangit: A
I am NOT pangit: T
I am NOT pangit: O
I am NOT pangit: haha
simianantithesis: haha
simianantithesis: we're like in a college phylosophy course
simianantithesis: and we refer to him as P L A T O
simianantithesis: that'd be the funniest
I am NOT pangit: haha
I am NOT pangit: people would be like, "uhhh.. we KNOW how to spell his name, you dumbasses"
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: I think P L A T O was the greatest genius of his time.
I am NOT pangit: and we'd just laugh
simianantithesis: haha
I am NOT pangit: XD
simianantithesis: but spell it all fast
I am NOT pangit: lol
simianantithesis: "piielatio"
I am NOT pangit: OMG people would be so confused
I am NOT pangit: hahaha
simianantithesis: yeah!


Wow, we went from caricatures.. to talking about the grammatical origins of "poo", to P L A T O. You should see what went on before the subject of caricatures.... freaking craziness I tell you. o_O;

Fan

Song of the moment: One Day at a Time by Die Trying


I am now a Die Trying fan. The concert last night was awesome. This huge bitch pushed me into the mosh pit, which was the GREATEST THING EVER. Can you imagine a little Asian girl moshing with big, sweaty men? Yeah, that was me. I got punched twice, and I must have punched all of the girls that were in there. I really wanted to get into a fight that evening, but sadly, I failed. *weeps in vain*


I'm working tommorow from 10 AM to 5:30. Fun. There's also going to be fireworks at the Boardwalk tommorow (or so I hear). I think it's Santa Cruz's birthday or something. Heh. I've been living here for 9 years and I still don't know anything about the history of Santa Cruz. *looks at the counter* Wow, the last time I checked that thing out, I had 60 visitors. This new counter is nifty. It doesn't count how many times people visit my journal, it counts how many people visit it, I.E., their IP adresses. Pretty cool.


Anywho. Well, today was interesting.


During Cisco Networking


As my head slowly descended towards the floor, my eyes feeling as if they weigh a hundred pounds and my body shutting down, I started to fall asleep. Mr. Mejia's voice was a faint little echo inside my head as my attention was more focused on trying to stay awake and on this planet. I hear a loud scream inside my head... not just loud, but creepy loud. Like someone was raped or brutally slaughtered. I jerked, now sitting stiffly up on my chair, once again looking at Mr. Mejia lecturing on the whiteboard. I look at Lorraine taking notes, and then down to my feet. I asked myself what happened.... was there really a scream, or was it just me: did it just occur in my head, reflecting the confusing, insane complications in my life, or am I just crazy? I told Lorraine what happened and she laughed. I laughed nervously with her.



Later, at my house


I arrive home from school, thinking everything was fine. I reach for the door to get into my house and realize it was unlocked. My brother's car wasn't there, neither was my mom's. In fact, no one was home. I ask my mom and sister about this now, and they could have sworn the door was locked when they left. Now, my family isn't the kind that trust our neighbors completely. We are always locking doors behind us, even if we just step outside for a short trip or a short walk to our car. I myself am not even sure if the door was locked in the first place, I could have just dreamnt it all up.


When I stepped inside, I inserted the Chicago DVD my sister and I rented a few days ago. I wanted to finish the second half, since I fell asleep the first time I watched it. Towards the end, I suddenly felt drowsy and blinked for what felt like a millionth of a second. Four hours later, I see my sister sitting in front of me, facing the T.V. watching Friends. I was kind of wierded out, I didn't even know I fell asleep. Looking at the window to the outside world, I thought it was early in the morning but then I realized that they wouldn't show Friends that early in the morning.


I stepped outside for a second to get some fresh air and saw a black raven stalking a white cat. Maybe not stalking, but mocking. It was sort of haunting it and squaking ever so fiendishly. I tried to scare the crow away, but it wouldn't leave. The cat stayed there, also. It sat down and started up at me for two whole minutes with innocent blue eyes, head tilted, and walked away. The crow was gone with the cat and just disappeared. Shivers down my back, I went back inside.


My mom, sister and I watched the movie, The Talented Mr. Ripley right before I went upstairs to check my mail. When the movie was over, I walked up the dark stairs, not thinking of turning the hall lights on. As I reached the top, I could have sworn I saw a white presence in the shadows of the bathroom door, so I turned the lights on. There was nothing there.


So now, here I sit once again in the dark, typing. I haven't been online much, and AIM is far from my interests now a days. Everyone talks about the same thing day after day and it gets old. It really does. I don't know why I'm sitting here in darkness. There's a perfectly good lamp right next to me, why am I not interested on turning it on? Why am I not afraid of the dark anymore? Why am I no longer afraid....?


Don't worry, my new-found happiness is still here. The quick change amongst the attitudes of my mom and sister are slowly going back to the way it was before: they're slowly turning back into their bitchy, PMSing selves. But I don't care anymore, I really don't. I'm trying to have as much patience as I can and it's turning out well. It really is. It's funny, during the day I seem so tired but now I'm as lively as ever. Maybe it's because I had that long nap earlier that I no longer feel tired.


Alas.... I shouldn't trust myself that I will no longer feel tired later on, because I know I will. I have work at 10 and I should be responsible and go to sleep early. Perhap's I'll read a few chapters (meaning 7 or 8) in my book tonight before I fall asleep. *ponders* I would read in the dark, if I could. I wish I had nocturnal eyes. That would be grand.


'Til next time,


Mila

Concertness and hugs (concerto-ness e hugs)

Song of the moment: When All is Said and Done by Trapt



Today was Harbor's Green and Gold day, aka "School Spirit Day". I wore my cherry skirt, red v-neck shirt my new black jacket-thing I bought from Wet Seal. I was as un-spirited as they come. lol. It was great, though... the air was filled with spirit and stuff. Everyone was hugging me and telling me my new cherry bag (in which I just bought yesterday) was really cute and matched perfectly with my skirt. Umm, yeah. I feel kind of wierd talking about my wardrobe, but that's what happened so err yeah. I was hugged by three of my guy (gay) friends and 5 girls today and let me tell you.... I am ALL HUGGED OUT. lol.


Other than the hugging and the school spiritness, Tya (my senior friend from my Government class) hugged me and asked me if I can go to a concert tonight. I replied, "Sure... wait. HOLY FUCK, are you talking about Trapt at the Catalyst???" She said yes, and told me that she had an extra ticket because her friend had to take care of her grandfather or something. So yeah, now I'm meeting her at the downtown Starbucks and we're gonna go see TRAPT!!!! Woooooooh. =D (holy fuck the lead singer of Trapt is so hot..... *drool*)


Anywho, I should go now and do my Analysis homework because I KNOW i'll be too tied later on to do it and/or I'll forget. I'll just leave you with a random convo with Elena's supposed-sister. I just bet you it's Ryan or something. That stupid poo-face. -_-;


SoraMyBora: hi
SoraMyBora: who is this?

Auto response from I am NOT Pangit: getting ready to go to a concert!!! woooooh ;D

SoraMyBora: this is alisa
I am NOT pangit: alisa?
I am NOT pangit: I don't know you
SoraMyBora: ya
SoraMyBora: elenas sister
SoraMyBora: you now
I am NOT pangit: oh
SoraMyBora: ??
I am NOT pangit: didn't you get sick or something
SoraMyBora: no
I am NOT pangit: heh
SoraMyBora: who are you?
I am NOT pangit: I'm your sister's lover
I am NOT pangit: anywho
I am NOT pangit: i gotta go get ready for a concert
I am NOT pangit: bye
SoraMyBora: bye


If that wasn't Ryan trying to mess with me and it was really Elena's sister, then I apologize. haha. ^^;

Constantly changing (continuamente mutevole)

Song of the moment: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes



Well, I finally figured out how to re-publish my Blogger archives. I was looking through my old posts and found this little survey thing that I 'took' from Erin's blogger. I look over it and realize how much I've changed in a year. I'm going to re-do that survey now, and you can compare and contrast on how much/how little I've changed. And stuff. o_O;



Real name: Miladel Mendador Alba
Names I go by: Mil, Mila, HEY YOU COME BACK WITH MY COOKIES
Height: 5'3-5'4
Weight: 2349879892834 pounds
Hair: Light light brown bangs, the rest is reddish-brownish
Family: Mom, step dad, brother, sister.
Live in: A town house..
Will soon live in: My mom is still debating on moving to Las Vegas or not... I want to someday live in New York.
University major(s): Law.
Ambition: Not slack off and get into USC (University of Santa Clara).
Lofty ambition: 4.0 GPA
Silly ambition: TO BECOME A ROCK STAR! YEAH!
Favorite movie: Don't have one....
Favorite Director: umm.
The last few CD's I've acquired: Acquired? As in bought or held? The last CD I bought I think was the Ataris, So Long Astoria.
Favorite TV show: Will & Grace
Number of times arrested: Zero.
Number of classes failed: None. I drop out of a class right before I fail it. Har. Har. Har. Har.
Number of times given detention: I don't know how many times, but it was all because of being tardy.
Birthday: June 7
Zodiac sign: Gemini... which means multiple personalities. x_X
Personality type: Too much to name.
Pets and their names: Five birds-Baby, Pancake, Chi Chi, Whitey, Greenie. 1 Beta Fish-Kyo
Things you like to do: Read, write, listen to music, debate
Things you like to collect: Books
Best advice you have ever given: Work to live, don't live to work.
Words or phrases you overuse: Moron, What the fuck, What the hell, Grrrr, fuck you, bitch, go to hell
Coolest experiences in life: One of the "coolest" experiences in life is definitely to win. Winning is such a great feeling. Another "cool" experience is to be loved, admired or adored.
Stupidest thing you have ever done: I've done too many stupid things to name.
Fav thing to do during the summer : Having the independace to do what I want is such a great feeling, so anything and everything I do becomes my favorite.
Fav thing to do during the autumn: Watching the rain fall on my window sill while I'm reading, observing the beautiful tones of the autumn trees and the leaves fall down onto the soft, wet soil.
Fav thing to do during winter: Holiday movies, basketball season, watching the rain fall on my window sill while I'm reading.
Fav thing to do during spring: Walking on the sidewalks of my neighborhood, looking at the flowers and trees blooming with such beauty and elegeance.
Special skills or talent: Piano, writing, debating. Debates are always fun.
Character traits you look for in a guy/girl: Non-physical--Sense of humor, laughter and light. Someone with light sensitivity, but not too much. Physical--I'm mostly attracted to guys with brown or dirty-blonde hair, GREEN eyes, light brown eyes...
Fav music: Alternative/Punk/Metal rock, jazz/swing, classical oldies, classical symphonies, classical piano/guitar/instrumental
Fav color: Red, black and white.
Fav food: Anything edible that's vegetarian.
Fav sport: Basketball
Fav toy: If my CD player counts as a toy, then that.
Fav cartoon character: Lisa Simpson.
Fav Actor / Actress: Johnny Depp, Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland, Brittany Murphy
Fav animal: Black panther.
Fav month: November or December.
Fav holiday: Christmas (not because of the presents, I hardly get those during Christmas... I like it because it brings the family together and that whole "aura" comforts me)
Least Fav holiday: Who doesn't like Holidays?
Fav part of the newspaper: Business
Fav Store: Wet Seal
Fav clothes to wear: Fashionably comfortable skirts, long-sleaved sweatshirts, shirts from the Philippines.
The thing you despise the most: People that yearn to be stupid, ignorant people that choose to be ignorant, fake people that don't even know who or what they are, idiots that seem to annoy everyone in the world.
Turn offs: When guys use cheesy pick-up lines when they ask me for my number. "Hey baby, you gotta boiiii? Holla!", dirtyness, idiocy, guys that try too hard.
Turn ons: Someone of intellect, a guy that is confident, someone that isn't too aggressive in approaching you, yet isn't to shy to talk to you.
Thing I live by / favorite quotes: "Kill or be killed" (competitive quote), "Carpe Diem" (quote for life), "Work to live, don't live to work" (my personal quote)



Check all that Apply
Dorky(X)
Stupid(o)
Mental(X)
Awesome(o)
Unique(X)
Smart(X)
Funny(X)
Hyper(X)
Shy(o)
OutGoing(X)
Nerd(X)
Hommie(o)
Nice(X)
Mean(X)
Preppy(o)
Stuck up(o)
Hip(o)
Stylish(X)
Scrub(o)
Non-Stylish(o)



Yes or No?
you keep a diary: Yeah.
you like to cook: I'm trying..
you exercise regularly: Not anymore.
you sketch while you are on the phone: Do doodles count?
you have read a book in the last month: I've read three.
you replace the toilet paper roll immediately: When I need it. lol o_O;
you like crossword puzzles: They're fun.
you have a secret you have never shared with anyone: Yes. Many.
you wait until the last minute: Yes.
you snore: When I'm sick and my nose is all plugged up.
you have been to your ancestors' homeland: I was born there.
you read in the bathroom: Only if there's anything there to read.
you often have people over to visit: Not really.
you like America: Very much.
you can remember jokes: No. My memory is too shitty to remember anything anyway. x_X
you play cards: Nah. Not in a long time.
you fold your underwear: I just toss them into my underwair container thing. Who the hell folds their underwair? Fucking neat freaks.
you talk in your sleep: I'm unconscious when I sleep, so how the hell should I know.
you eat fast: All the time actually.
you recycle: Yeah. I'm Asian.
you like hiking: Yup. SCIENCE CAMP WOOT.
you like being on the phone: Depends on who I'm talking to.
you shave regularly: Yeah.
you set your watch a few minutes ahead: 10-15 minutes.
you are always late: Most of the time. EVEN if I still put my watch ahead... I'm always late. ~_~
you often get headaches: Not "often". Pain killers are heaven-sent.
a naked photo of you exists: VISIT MY PORN SITE!
you can whistle: Yup.
you write letters regularly: No. I'm too lazy.
you believe in destiny: Nope.
you brush your teeth three times a day: Two times a day.
you have something you wish to confess: Yes. I am really an extraterrestrial from the planet Mazoola in the Galaxy Rikaburbemsteig. I have come to Earth in search of intelligence, and have yet failed.
you change your bedsheets weekly: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
you bite your fingernails: Only when I'm bored.
you pick your nose: Dur. Everyone does.
you are a vegetarian: Yes.
you have gone to a movie alone: No.
you read the newspaper every day: No.
you have had sex in an airplane: I haven't had sex period. I am in nooooooo rush.
you have hit a parent in anger: No. I would end up in the E.R. if I did.
you are quick to apologize: Hahahahaha. No. I am one of the most stubborn people you would ever meet.
you get out of bed as soon as your alarm goes off: Hahahahahaa.
you drank mother's milk: Nope.
you generally save letters and postcards: Sometimes, if I remember to. o_O
you hate parties: Only if they're... umm.. stupid.
you have stolen money from your parents: No. I'm Asian.
you have fired a gun: Yeah, but not one with real bullets. :D
you often have the last word: Yes.
you give money to homeless people: Yeah. I sometimes give my last dollar to them, not really out of pity, but out of sadness.
you enjoy being photographed: I guess..
life treats you well: Iffy.
you know who you are: Is this supposed to be a symbolical question?



When is the last time you:
Cried: Last week when my mom and I got into that whole fight about the psychiatrist thing. Things have been good since then, though... I hope.
Laughed: Right after school. I forgot why, but I know I laughed right before I said good-bye to my friends. I'm always laughing when I'm with them, especially when I'm with Lorraine. Just looking at her makes me laugh. Hahaha.
Danced: Last Sunday when I was cleaning the living room (I was listening to music... that would be scary if I just started dancing with no music, in an empty room all by myself.)
Fell: Last week when I was wearing my highly elevated sandals. I was running down the stairs because I was late for class and I tripped. I didn't completely fall, it just looked really funny.
Kissed someone: Last Saturday (or was it Friday?) when I bought my mom a dosen red roses. I kissed her on the cheek and then jumped on her and bit her on the arm. Yeah.... this is why my mom thinks i'm a psycho in need of therapy. o_O;
Hugged someone: Today.
Went to a party: Uhh.... I think the last party I went to was that Filipino FOB fest roughly around when school started.
Swam: Last year during P.E.
Showered: Last month.
Ate: An hour ago.
Bought something: An ice-cream bar from 7-11



I...
I see: The words that I am typing right now on my computer monitor.
I need: A car and an inspiration.
I find: I find this survey going downhill and I find myself bored.
I want: Good grades.
I have: A fortunate life.
I wish: To go to New York.
I love: To read.
I hate: Idiots.
I miss: Romance.
I fear: Failing anything I love doing. It's happened three times this year... =I feel: Tired and bored. And lazy.
I hear: Orgy's "Blue Monday" on the radio station
I smell: Nothing.
I crave: Sleep.
I search: For the meaning of life.
I wonder: Why I was such an idiot wanting a boyfriend so much last year and now I really don't care if I'm alone or not. I was so obsessed last year... it's pretty sad. I had like 34987345 boyfriends last year. GROSS. lol
I regret: Many things.

Umm yeah. I think I'm either going to:


A) Get some sleep
B)Read
C) Do my Analysis homework
or
D)Watch a movie


Any of the things I listed above is better than being online. So yeah, until next time. And stuff.



CIAO.

Tweaked with the codes a bit (Cambiamento)

Song of the moment: Last Night by The Strokes


Not like many of you will notice, but I changed the codes around a bit. I changed the time settings, language and almost everything in Italian. For the side bar, I changed the titles to English/Italian. I also added a little Title code on every post, so I guess I'm going to have a title now.... yeah. I was kind of bored. Oh yeah! More importantly, I fixed the archives thing. I wrote a complaint to Blogger on how I can't find the "Republish old archive pages" on the new Blogger layout thing, so they should be writing me back this week....


Damn. The Mock Trial results SHOULD be posted tommorow. If they aren't posted, then someone is going to die. I can't wait to find out if I made it or not. =X

The old pervert (Un vecchio pervetiro)

Song of the moment: Drive [acoustic] by Incubus


Sitting in the café at Borders, sipping my fourth cup of coffee and reading The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald, minding my own businnes, this middle-aged man wearing a suit with a completely bald head approaches me. He was very polite, but he gave out a wierd aura that creeped me out. Looking down at me and then at my book, he says, "I hate to be rude, but I like your earrings."


Confused as to why my earrings would interest him, and then thinking that he might be gay, I replied, "Umm.... thanks."


He paused for a while, and continued making conversation, "So how are you enjoying your book?"


The Middle-Eastern band that was playing in the cafe was pretty loud (in a good way, their music was soothing...) so I didn't hear what he said. I retorted, "Excuse me?"


"Your book. The Great Gatsby. I have a diploma in English, and I studied that book. Are you reading it for school?"


I didn't want to be rude, so I answered his question, "Not yet. I bought it so I can read it and get ahead. We're reading The Crucible by Arthur Miller right now."


He responded, "Ahh, another classic."


He walked away after a moment's silence. Three minutes later, he comes back asking another question, "I hate to be rude, once again, but I would like to treat you out to dinner in another evening."


Okay.... what the fuck. This guy obviously knows that I'm still in high school. I had my Hello Kitty bag on the table, and my little coin-purse with Spongebob and other kiddie stickers all over it. This guy is fucking sick. Sick to the bone, I tell you. I OBVIOUSLY refused his offer, gave him a wierded out/mean look, and returned to my book. He eventually went away, but just thinking about it just.... gives me the creeps. The world is going to hell. TO HELL, I SAY. I was even scared to go to the bathroom in fear that he might follow me and make a move on me.


.... This is why I sometimes dress in baggy pants, sweatshirt and a hood over my head when I go downtown. Currently, there are two molestors in Santa Cruz. I've been really brave, always walking the streets of downtown wearing a skirt, usually alone. I really have to lose that confidence, because someone bad can really happen. Bah. Thinking that you have to lose confidence in order to survive is so stupid. The world is fucking mad. Actually, it's Santa Cruz that's mad. Fucking hippie rapists.


On a lighter note, my mother, sister and I have been on good terms lately. A few days ago, my mom and I had a quarrel in which got her to bring up the whole psychiatrist deal/thing. My sister helped my mom and I clear our little misunderstanding (yes, our fight was over a misunderstanding. it usually is.) and helped us agree to listen to each other more, instead of assuming something else. So far, it's been working. It's working so well that it's scary. Today, my sister and I hung out and ate at Fresh Choice. Yesterday, I bought my mom a dozen roses. My mom is trying harder to understand me, and I actually learned a lot about her, just by trying to understand her.


For instance... before, I used to think she didn't care about me because she never chose my classes for me, she never got anal about my choices when it comes to school, she always let me go out when I want (i just have to call her), she just gave me so much freedom. She told me that she only did that because she wants me to make my own decisions, be independant, so I would be more prepared for life. She said she wasn't doing it because she didn't love me, she was doing it because she DID love me and that she doesn't want me to grow up weak and vulnerable. And you know what? Her method really worked. I mean, I HATE being told what to do, and if she told me to get good grades, I would get bad grades. If she told me to try out for mock trial and to be a lawyer, I would probably end up doing drugs. I just like to rebel. Getting to know my mom really got me to appreciate her. I also got to know my sister's nice side. When my mom was attacking me in our fight a few nights ago and making threats about sending me to a psychiatrist, my sister was the one that was trying to understand me. When my mom and I made up, yet she kept talking about how crazy I was and how right she was, even though I already admitted to my stupidity, my sister told me mom to just shut up and let me be because I finally understood..... it gave me more appreciation for what I have. A sister I misunderstood.


Now that she and I are hanging out, and now that I am actually listening to what she says instead of shunning her out, she's actually not that bad. We actually laugh at stories now... stories of friends, strangers, and stories of our mom and how funny she can be when she's mad or when she's being senile. We're actually acting like we're sisters. It's a great feeling.


This experience is making me better as a person. It's turning me into a more even-out, "fair" person. Before, outside of the house, I would be nice. I would be nice to my friends, acquaintences, teachers. But when I would get home, I put on a shield against my family because of previous experiences. I practically gave up on them and didn't give them a chance. Now that I have given them a chance after they started changing their ways and after trying to understand my messed-up mind and thoughts, our family has turned into.... a family. My mom and stepdad even invited my sister and I to a picknick (sp?) on the beach today.


At first, this love was strange and new and felt wierd. But now that I matured and realized my faults, it's actually very refreshing. We're not constantly yelling. We're all wiser. We're more patient with each other, causing us to be more patient with other stuff as well. We're all just better people. I guess my mom and sister reading my diary was a good thing. I already said that before, but it really is. My mom is even starting to respect my vegetarianism and comprehended the fact that I will NOT eat anything that is meat and has stopped asking me if I want to eat meat everytime she cooked. She tries to cook vegetarian stuff and buy my vegeterian meals from restaurants. Before, I wouldn't realize her attemps of being a good mother and continue being selfish, but now I do and it's obvious. I'm nicer, I give respect to her (the Filpino-type respect to their elders.... usually only Filipino understand) and I'm constantly saying "thank you".


The sadness that used to lurk inside me has gone away. At times I feel empty and wierd and I search for the sadness, but I can't find it. I dont' know if that's a good or bad thing, it's definitely new. The darkness that I used to feel is gone. I had been used to it that I feel like a new person without, but then it's also kind of creepy because I feel so empty at times. I'll tell you this, though..... It's definitely easier being nice to people. Before, I would put on a mask in front of people that didn't deserve being bitched at, and it was so painfull that it made me even more depressed. But now, my smile and laughter is no longer fake and I can finally proudly say that I am myself.


When I look for the sadness inside my soul, the sadness that used to wrap around me and cause me to write about darkness and evil, all I find is happiness. Happiness and thankfullness. I'm happy because I'm trying... I'm happy because I'm not failing at life anymore.... I'm happy because other people are happy, knowing they're happy partially because of me. Your attitude definitely reflects the attitude of those around you. When I was sad and depressed and mad and angry, my family acted the same way around me, which made it just worse. Now, it's the complete opposite. It's a wonderful feeling and it once again gives me more appreciation in life.


I would just like to say to anyone and everyone that is reading this right now, to carpe diem. It really is worth it.


Seize the day before it seizes you. lol. =)